Is Your Partner Dragging Their Feet?
What to do When You Want to Move Forward And Your Partner is Hesitant
IN THIS EPISODE, YOU’LL LEARN…
- You want to move forward, he/she isn’t ready. This is important to getting to the root of why this is happening in the relationship.
- You could hurt the relationship by pushing too hard or pulling away.
The “Dog House” – What Not to Do
- Threaten to leave the relationship out of desperation.
- Push harder for engagement ring or marriage – (More marriage talk, more relationship talk, etc)
- Don’t rush to take it personal: Know that this may be coming from fear of spending money on a wedding, there is a history that may be popping up (ex: childhood divorce), their own internal fears about themselves (ex: I am not good enough), etc. There may be various reasons to why this person is fearful.
- Don’t ignore it
The FIX -What To Do When Your Partner Is Hesitant
- Understand Fear is an Emotion – When someone is hesitant, it typically is because they are fearful or overwhelmed. They have questions, concerns, aren’t feeling okay. This is an emotion. Emotions are normal. Emotions happen, but it doesn’t mean this person will have to avoid moving forward.
- Create Safe Space – Create a safe space where your partner can talk about their fears, concerns, and hesitancies without judgment, anger, or quick to snap emotion. Your partner will need to open up and know it is okay to share the concerns, but your job is to listen.
- Let them Know You Want to Help – Obviously something is concerning and they need reassurance. Let them know, “Maybe there is something you are needing for reassurance and I am not giving it to you. I want to help you feel better about our relationship”
- Listen to Your Gut – Your internal alarm is going off for a reason, don’t turn it off or expect magic will happen and things will change. Acknowledge the alarm to your partner. Talk about it.
- Get Support Yourself– You may be freaking out, your own fears now flooding you, possibly afraid “he/she doesn’t want me.” This may be all feeling personal, but your job is to stay grounded. This may not have anything to do with you. The more fear you have, the quicker you move, the quicker you sink. Reach out for support from friends, family, therapist. If your partner is more fearful of commitment because “fear of missing out” or “wanting to date other people,” get support and find out if this is the right relationship for you.
LINKS AND RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
Pay Attention to Premarital Doubts – Jennifer Chappell Marsh, LMFT
Signs You Need Premarital Counseling– Jennine Estes, LMFT
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